Plenty of village idiots out there…

We woke up to heavy rain today and my first thought was: ‘Hooray! That’ll keep the idiots off the streets.’ I got soaked going outside to put our bins at the bottom of our drive for collection day, and startled an elderly couple striding past, clad head-to-toe in heavy-duty rainwear. This was at 6.30am, by the way. I was impressed. Especially so at the moment, since I seem unable to get my act together to get myself washed and dressed much before mid-morning, and today it was shockingly a lot nearer to lunchtime before I could bring myself to do so. I blame the change in the temperature.

As a friend has just said to me, we all need some routine and structure to our lives right now. Our structure here is for the OH to work in the morning, while I fiddle-faddle about doing not very much, then we try to get out somewhere at lunchtime, for a walk or a bit of shopping, or maybe combining both, then it’s back to more work for the OH and more fiddle-faddling for me. I have a Zoom online editing meeting, for an ongoing project I have become involved in, late afternoon every day. This gives a useful “full stop” to my day and makes me feel as though I’ve achieved something!

So, at lunchtime, we walked up the road to the station, for my copy of Tuesday’s Metro, which contains the homes section I love. However, it’s getting thinner by the week, which is a bit worrying. (I’ve already mentioned my concerns for my beloved magazines and the publishing world in general in another blog.)  There were a fair few cars about, but not so many people, unsurprisingly; apart for one rather forlorn-looking young lad standing next to his bike down by the river, as though waiting for his friends – which, of course, we’re not supposed to be doing at the moment, or we’d all be doing it, I’m sure.

The other thing we’re not supposed to be doing, is going out on the river in our boats. But there are still people doing this. It puts the rescue services under even more pressure, should anyone get into difficulties. The Environment Agency puts it politely as “…a gentle reminder (not to do this)…” I think that’s far too wishy-washy (excuse the not-very-good pun). My own “gentle reminder” would be to stand on the riverbank with a loudhailer, to make sure that everyone in the vicinity knew what was going on. Name and shame: that’s my motto.

If it were down to me, I’d bring back village stocks. We would need quite a few, these days, to cater for all the idiots roaming around out there. Still, it might help one or two struggling local businesses to diversify: “Your pop-up, pop in, pop out, one-stop village stocks shop. We cater for all sizes of idiot. Special offers on rotten eggs and tomatoes.”

We passed the stationers, with its eye-catching huge pencil door handles, and stopped off at the newsagent for my weekly TV magazine. No ice cream fix for the OH today. Far too cold. It’s back to heavy jackets and boots. What a difference from the weekend! I’m not complaining, though, as we really needed the rain. Our water butt was completely empty.

Anyway. That’s our thrilling day done and dusted – or perhaps not so much dusted, as lightly skirted around. If you bothered to read my blog from the other day, you’ll know exactly what I mean by that. If you didn’t, you missed out on my top housekeeping tip. Your loss.

Oh, and I made a banana cake when we got back.  Who says I can’t do useful and productive?

 

Author: Hampton Caught

The rants and ramblings of an ex Deputy Fiction Editor of Woman's Weekly magazine.

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